It seems like it's been a long day. I've only been awake since 10.30am but it's now approaching 5.45pm and I've been walking around Nottingham for around three hours. Sat on the train home, I'm deliberating over whether or not to go out with the lads tonight. I've not had a drink for a while but to be perfectly honest I don't think I'm in the mood for one. My mind is a little all over the place at the moment and I tend to steer clear of alcohol when I'm in this state of mind because I fear being out of control.
It's only a short journey from Nottingham to Sileby, where my car is parked- probably no longer than twenty-five minutes. I'll plug my headset into my phone and listen to some music on the way. Hmm... what shall I listen to? I think I'm in a Cure mood, let's put it on random and start with Friday I'm in Love...
Well, it's not Friday, and I'm certainly not in love. More's the pity really, I've got a lot of love to give and could really do with sharing some of this pent up affection. That's not a roundabout way of saying sexual frustration either, this really is affection that's just dying to come out. Is it really appropriate, however, to be looking for the potential target of my affection on a busy train journey late on a Saturday afternoon?
Appropriate or not, I can't help glancing at the girl in the seat opposite. She has her headphones on and she's writing something. She also keeps looking over, although I'm not sure why. I want to believe that she's looking at me but in all honesty there's more likelihood of me finding Billie Piper naked in my hotel room tomorrow than that being the case. I'm sure she's looking beyond me, although what she's looking at I'm really not sure. I can't work out how old she is. I can't look for long enough to process her features and put an age on her. She has reddish highlights in her hair, a slight yet complete figure and I expect that she stands at around five-three. She's still writing. Every time I glance over she waits until I look away and then looks up again. I want to ask her what she is writing. I want to start a conversation with her. I want to find out about her, hear how she talks and find out where she is going. I don't know why, but something has clicked in head and I'm incredibly attracted to her. She has a straight look on her face, no expression of feeling. I've no idea whether she is feeling happy or sad, whether she is tired, or how long she has been travelling.
I catch a glimpse of the book she is holding. My initial instinct was that she was writing something, but upon closer inspection she is making notes in a text book. It's a small red text book, it reminds me of a bible I used to have by my bedside. I wonder if she is studying for some sort of religious position. I wonder if she is just simply reminding herself of certain aspects of the bible and finally I wonder why I am convinced that she is reading a bible. The text is too big for this to be a complete bible in such a small book. Besides, she only seems to be underlining certain words - what possible reason could there be for doing that in a bible? She's not underlining phrases or highlighting big passages. It must be something else. Go on, one last look to see if you can figure out what it is...
Nope. Still no luck. Again, as I turn back she looks up at me, still no expression on her face. I nearly make eye contact this time. She's seen me staring at her book at least, so it doesn't look THAT weird. I could probably legitimately ask what she's reading now without seeming like some random weirdo on the train. I'm not an intimidating person and she almost seems open in the way she is making no secret of looking at me. She seems confident and unconcerned by my glances, part of me wonders if she would almost welcome the chance of conversation with a stranger.
Alas, I'm too tired to take the risk of forcing a strained conversation if she is not as welcoming as I predict. I also worry that the book really WAS a bible, and the conversation becomes focussed around religion. There is no way I will NOT offend her if she is committed to her religion because I find it very difficult to be diplomatic with my views on religion. I will of course not be forthright or aggressive with said views upon first meeting someone, but this will then lead to (at least on my part) the strained conversation that I wanted to avoid in the first place. Besides, I'll probably never see her again. I don't catch the train often and really have no desire to. I've may only have a few minutes until she gets off too, probably a maximum of ten before I get off as well so I can hardly ask for her number in that time. But you read about these things, don't you? You read about people falling in love after first meeting on a crowded train home. You read about strangers who get chatting and one thing leads to another. Maybe it's my turn for some of that. Go on, have another look...
Yep, she's definitely my type. Not (only) in a sexual way, but in a way that she's got something about her that tells me she's open, she's creative, she's somewhat outgoing and she's definitely confident. She's dressed quite deliberately, yet not to follow a trend or fashion. She's dressed how she sees herself best presented. And she's right, too. She has that casual look about her, but it's one that's not simply been thrown together. Of course the chances are I'm totally not her type. But she keeps looking over. Oh no, hang on- that's because I just glanced over again and she saw me.
Wait, she's moving. We're arriving at Loughborough and she's getting ready to disembark. I watch as she gets up, but I feel it inappropriate to watch her leave the train as the exit is behind me.
As the train pulls away I see her walking calmly up the stairs, headphones in, on her way to whatever her destination may be. I'll never see her again. I'll probably never catch this train again. I want to see her again. I want to bump into her accidentally one day and just get chatting. I want her to be taken in by my warm nature and my caring personality. I want to take her out and get to know her.
I want her to fall in love with me.
